try to eat you (yet). Who cares, you still need to be prepared, right? Check out
some of the information below and hone your zombie-detecting skills:
This is an excellent example of a zombie: the skin is greying, the eyes are vacant, and it's
getting ready to eat the photographer! If you see a zombie like this one on campus (or anywhere else)
you should probably take action or run away.
Ask yourself these questions to determine what EXACTLY is stalking you:
- Is your attacker moaning, limping, and decomposing? Has it tried to eat your flesh?
If so, you might be experiencing a genuine zombie attack. (Call me!) - Does your attacker glow or appear transparent? If so, you are probably dealing with
a ghoul or ghost. Like the zombie, they too used to be living. Unlike the zombie, they
don't have a brain for you to destroy. I suggest calling in a team of specialists to deal
with the problem. - Is your attacker covered in fur and howling? Is it a full moon? If so, you are
ALMOST CERTAINLY dealing with a werewolf. Try a silver bullet, I hear they do wonders. - Is your attacker displaying the usual physical traits of a zombie, but covered
in what appear to be bandages? If so, you are being attacked by a mummy. Unlike zombies,
mummies present the problem of not having any brain left to remove. Try ancient Egyptian chants
or - if that doesn't work - lighting it on fire. - Does your attacker ramble on and on about blood in a thick, Transylvanian accent? If fangs
are also present, assume it's a vampire; a stake through the heart ought to do the trick. - Does your attacker frown every time you mention the word "zombie" or laugh at your
small, minute, tiny obsession with Bruce Campbell? If so, you are dealing with a *strag.
There is no efficient way to battle these beasts, they will eat you alive.
I suggest running away. Far, far away.
* Strag - according to Douglas Adams, a non-hitchhiker. According to me, an absolute bore.
