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Our tendency to feel guilt the moment a perverted sexual thought hits us is actually a step in the weakening process that can cause us to give into the temptation. How do we stop feeling guilty before we have sinned?

Those of us who are experienced sinners -- especially in the area of lust -- know that the first few seconds after a temptation strikes are critical. The immediate choice we make, whether to fight the temptation or to entertain it is critical to the victory or failure that will follow. (Entertain is a good word because that's what we sometimes do; we invite it in, offer it a few drinks, then start to enjoy the pleasures of its company).

One of the ways that strugglers with lust are put at a great disadvantage in these first critical seconds after temptation strikes is that they take on guilt for having been tempted. The lustful or perverse thought comes and immediately they are flooded with self-condemnation, feelings of defeat and hopelessness, a sense of uncleanness and guilt. All of these feelings tend to weaken and disarm us so that we have actually made ourselves more vulnerable to giving into the temptation.

A few years ago, a young man came to one of our support group meetings extremely down and dejected. He shared how earlier that evening he had had a session with his Christian counselor, and how they had experienced a real breakthrough. He walked out of the counselor's office buoyed by the progress he sensed he was making. Then, as he was approaching his car, along came a jogger, a handsome, muscular man wearing jogging shorts and no shirt. The young man looked at the runner, felt the powerful draw towards him and fell into immediate despair. God had just done this wonderful work in him and minutes later he was looking at a man and desiring him sexually.

After he had shared this with the group, I asked the young man if he had sinned in this situation. He said, "No, but..." He couldn't find the words to complete the sentence, but his feeling of guilt was so great that he knew he had to be guilty of something.

I said to him what I have probably said to overcomers a thousand times, aTemptation is not sin." So many times the response is similar, "Yes, I know but ..." Intellectually, or theologically they can accept the truth of this statement, but in their actual walk they feel great guilt for their temptations.

Let's look beyond the "Yes, buts..." and see if we can't determine why we feel this way and see if we can't change our way of responding to temptation in such a way. This is important for the overcomer because, whether the source of our confusion is our own faulty thinking or the work of the enemy, we are put at a tremendous disadvantage when we let temptation cause us to take on false guilt. Because most of the examples of temptation that I will be using arise out of visual temptations, I will speak in terms of a male's problems, but much of this could also apply to the woman struggling with lesbianism

One reason for the "Yes, but..." response is the perceived perversity of our particular temptation. "If I were only attracted to an adult woman I wouldn't feel so terrible. But my attractions are so perverted -- to the same sex -- and to do things that are so gross, so shameful. If my problem were "normal lust" I could tell a Christian brother. He would understand and could pray with me. But how would I tell him my attractions are towards men. It would be so humiliating. I would feel such shame."

The problem here is the perversity of the temptations. But, what is sexual perversion? It is any sexual behavior not in accordance with God's plan; and that plan is that sexual intercourse is to take place only between a man and a woman within the lifelong covenant of marriage. Any other form of sexual behavior is a perversion of God's plan, and this includes all forms of fornication and adultery.

The homosexual overcomer might gain a little helpful perspective if he knew that he is not alone in feeling shame for the nature of his attractions. It is not at all unusual for the man whose attractions are totally heterosexual to suddenly find that the object of his attraction is a 15-year-old girl, or if he struggles with fantasies, that they involve overpowering a woman or even rape. A Christian man of conscience will feel as repulsed by the perversity of his temptations as you do.

So this is one of our problems, we feel guilt because our particular attractions are so perverse. Tied right into this, and it may already be obvious, is that what we feel is not really guilt but shame. To avoid false guilt and its debilitating powers we must be able to distinguish between guilt and shame. Put simply; we feel guilt for what we have done, we feel shame for who we are. The young man leaving the counselor's office was not guilty because he was attracted to a man's body. He was feeling shame for it, and he wasn't distinguishing between the two.

The remedy for guilt is confession and the forgiveness that is ours through Jesus Christ. The remedy for shame is to reject it. It comes either from the enemy or from our own confused thinking. In fact, shame has no place in the heart of mind of the Christian believer. In the favorite Scripture passage for many in our minis- tries (I Cor. 6:9-11), after listing homosexuality among the many sins that will keep us out of the Kingdom of God, we are told that we have been, "washed ... sanctified ... justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God." Where is there room for shame in this?

Another contributor to our feelings of guilt in the face of temptation sometimes is the fact that the temptation truly does reveal a propensity towards sin that is dwelling in our heart. Confusion sets in because, even before we would give in to the sin of lust, we may be giving in to another sin. We may actually be guilty of this other sin (and not be aware of it) or the Spirit may be showing us that we are close to sin and, focusing only on lust, we are in confusion.

Most often in the homosexual overcomer, these other sins are idolatry and envy. Following a teaching in which I dealt briefly with the false guilt that we can feel when we are tempted, a college student described to me how every day when he goes to classes he knows he will encounter certain other male students and his attractions to them gave him great problems. I asked if seeing them brought up sexual feelings. He said, "No, not at first; its their faces. I just want to look at their faces." As he described how he sat through class trying not to stare at them, he put his hands on either side of his face as if he were holding his head in a vice. This is not at all uncommon. Sometimes it is a face that reflects some special masculinity or sensitivity or vulnerability to which we are drawn excessively. Sometimes it is a thick neck or broad shoulders or any part of the body that for us symbolizes masculine strength.

It is not difficult to see how idolatry is present in these situations. We see in another a masculinity or maleness or some other attribute that we crave for ourselves but feel we can never have. Like a man starved for something, we focus on it to excess. It assumes more and more importance in our lives until our focus on it becomes like worship. For the college student to stare at one of those faces is a form of idol worship. Consciously, he didn't realize that this was idolatry, but perhaps the Holy Spirit was trying to show him it was. His focus was on lust, and so he was in a state of confusion. It is vitally important that we know what our real sins are.

Envy comes right along side this. The attraction to a certain kind of person is fueled by envy. They have something that I don't have and I want it desperately. Unhappy with the way God has made us, we covet that which another person embodies. Sensing something is wrong, but confused by what we are feeling, we assume that we are guilty, true or not. Our focus on lust is so strong that we cannot see another sin that is just around the corner or is actually being committed.

Another emotion that can be stirred and give us a sense of false guilt is fear. A few years after my conversion and the start of my healing, I was confident that I had no more desire for sexual contact with a man. Then one summer day I was driving home from work and I looked in my rearview mirror and right behind me was a huge muscular man on a motorcycle. He was shirtless but bore all of the other biker paraphernalia. Immediately the adrenaline surged through my body. I felt my heart speed up and my face flush. I cried out, "Oh God, I'm not healed!" I felt like I was sinking and could have even started to deny my healing. But, God is so good. A few days later a Catholic priest friend came by -- a fellow overcomer -- and I described this experience to him. He said simply, "It was fear." That was all he needed to say. Instantly, I knew that he was right. It was not lust, but confronted with the type of image that had held me in bondage for years, I was overwhelmed with fear. This type of situation never bothered me to this extent again.

Assuming that you can identify with some of what has just been described, how do we apply our understanding of false guilt in a way that when first confronted with sexual temptation we will not automatically start condemning ourselves. Briefly, let me suggest several ways:

• Start telling yourself over and over that temptation is not sin. Eventually, this truth will sink in.
• Analyze the ways in which you feel shame for who you are. Start taking these prayerfully before the Lord. Then renounce the shame when it hits. A little spiritual warfare might be in order. Memorize some of the Scriptures that tell you who you are in Jesus Christ.
• Acknowledge that you are still not fully healed. Doing this you won't be caught off guard when a certain type of person is attractive to you. God rarely heals us instantly at the point of conversion. Instead of condemning yourself, develop a habit of acknowledging to the Lord that you still are not totally healed, that you still have unmet needs. "Well Lord, that confident, assured type of man still attracts me. I still have a way to go don't I? I want to be healed, but I'm just not there yet."
• Act as if you are not guilty. In some situations it is safe to look at that person. Straining to not look can give the object you are trying to resist an importance it should not have. Feelings often catch up with actions, so consciously acting not guilty can eventually change the emotional or psychological response.
• Dig deeply to discover the deeper sins. If you are pretty sure the sin is envy, every time you find yourself taking a second look at a certain type of man, repent of envy -- not of looking at the man, not of lust if lust isn't present yet. Repent of envy's companion, an ungrateful heart for the way God created you. This worked very well for me.

I believe that there is a way that we can look at our hearts that can help us separate temptation from sin, guilt from shame, and our unhealed state from actual sin. Figuratively, we look at the heart as the center of our being. It is out of the heart that flows both goodness and sins. If you are a visual person, try looking at the heart this way. Before you accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, your heart was encased in stone. The shell around it was hard and permanent. But when the Holy Spirit came to dwell in you, He shattered the stone, as ultrasound treatment can shatter a kidney stone. The heart of flesh was then exposed -- to the Lord and to you. You could start feeling and truly dealing with your deeper self. But the shattered stones were not all removed. Some were, but many others remained. Some of the larger pieces would require surgery (healing, inner healing prayer, deliverance). Most of the pieces though would pass out of the body naturally over time. Naturally means as you lead the normal Christian life.

Some of those stones are still in you. You still have a propensity to sin, but that propensity is not who you are. You are not sin; Jesus took that sin of yours into himself. When you are tempted and you make contact with some of those stones -- the propensity to sin that still dwells in you -- and you mistake that propensity for sin itself, you are taking up the old man who was sin. Reject that and declare the victory of Jesus Christ in your life.

I'd like to deal with one final issue. We are often asked, "When does it stop being temptation and become sin"? This is a valid question, especially when you have been in say a 10 minute battle with lust (10 minutes is fairly long for such a battle). In the heat of the struggle, many sinful images have been crossing your mind or you may keep coming back to a single lustful thought.

The college student described earlier says that his guilt feelings don't set in until he has looked back at a fellow student several times. He has not given up the battle; it is while he is still in it that he feels guilty Has he sinned at that point? I doubt it but, who can really say?

We are dealing with a continuum as James tell us when he describes how desire leads to sin and sin to death. (James 1:14-15). I suspect we would draw that line at one place, and the Lord at another, and I would be almost certain that, contrasting our selfjudgement with His wonderful grace, He would draw it much further down the road than we would. When could our Father ever be more pleased with a son or daughter than when he or she was in the midst of a fierce battle for righteousness, a battle to please Him. Count on His grace. It is always sufficient.