Return to index of articles.

A Chinese version of this article is available.

Dear Warren,

You asked whether the Bible has anything to say about a life-long committed relationship between two partners of the same sex. I know that you are distressed about what you have called your "homosexual orientation." How much you would like to be "just like everyone else"! Yes, the Bible has a lot to say about these things, but not just in a handful of proof-texts.

"Orientation" is not a useful word.

Sexual "orientation" is a complicated concept. I'm not even sure that it's a useful concept. Alfred Kinsey in 1948 was the first to develop a scale to describe the degree of sexual interest his patients showed in members of the same sex (homoerotic, 6 on his scale) versus members of the opposite sex (hetero erotic, 0 on his scale). Kinsey discovered that men fall at various points on his scale, some clearly showing no erotic interest of any kind in the same sex; others showing varying degrees of interest.

There are many things to disagree with in such a study. For one thing, to presume to capture all there is to say about sexuality in one of seven numbers between 0 and 6 is rather simplistic. Some men's "orientation" is only toward two women at the same time; others, only toward older men; others, only toward young blonds of either sex with no facial hair. As you can see, "orientation" may be little more than a synonym for "feelings." For another thing, "orientation" doesn't speak at all to the process of change, about which the Bible has a lot to say.

Perhaps when a person uses the term "orientation" he is aware that the Bible teaches that we are responsible for our feelings. He maintains that we are not responsible for our sexual orientation. He means that how we feel sexually is genetically determined, or he means that we do not choose our sexual feelings. They are somehow just givens. I do not agree that homosexuality is genetically transmitted, but I do agree that our sexual feelings are not, at least initially, consciously chosen. I do believe however that sexual feelings are a learned response.

Sexual feelings are learned.

Your sexual feelings are a learned response at a time when you were too young to know that you were learning them. For example, in our culture women's armpits are considered unattractive. They are shaved, deodorized, and not at all erogenous. However, in some cultures armpits are covered in the same kind of caring and shy way with which we in our culture cover women's breasts. In this case clearly what we find sexually arousing is a culturally learned response. By the same token, a boy who grows up in a home in which he cannot find a woman attractive or cannot relate as a man among men to male role models is learning a pattern of erotic response.

Because erotic response is learned, it can be unlearned. That is not to say that you will unlearn it easily. That is not to say that as a Christian you will automatically be free of inappropriate erotic responses if you seek one more mountaintop experience, go forward one more time, have a demon of homosexuality cast out, or undergo counselling. It does mean that your growth in grace can include an increasing freedom from sexual bondage--for that is what inappropriate erotic response becomes if it is allowed full expression.

The Bible does not ask any more of you in dealing with homosexual temptation than it does of someone in dealing with heterosexual temptation.

"But it's not fair," you've said to me. "Those who are heterosexually tempted have marriage as a way to deal with temptation. Doesn't Scripture say, `if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion'?" [I Cor. 7:9]

No, marriage is not God's way to satisfy lust. A man whose wife is physically an invalid is not thereby given an excuse to satisfy his sexual "needs" outside of marriage. Genital sex is neither a right nor a necessity. Wanting to enjoy another person's beautiful body is not sufficient grounds for marriage.

Sexual response has non-sexual roots.

I know that you are angry at the way God made you. Consider King David's response when he reflected on how God created him. Instead of being angry at God, he was able to thank God for the wonder of his body [Psalm 139:14]. Perhaps you are envious because of others who are better looking, or who are more socially at ease, or who do not seem to have a problem with sexual temptation. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

When the earliest Church fathers (for example, Athenagoras of Athens, 177 AD, "The Supplication for Christians") wrote on the subject of homosexuality, they likened it to cannibalism. Why? Because a cannibal eats his enemies to possess their good qualities. Likewise, as Leanne Payne points out in a contemporary study (The Broken Image, Crossway Books, 1981), those who act out homosexually are trying to possess the good qualities of their partner. Ed Hurst, in his excellent booklet, "Laying the Axe to the Roots" ( Outpost) points out that most of the problems of the homosexually tempted stem from attitude sins like envy which the Church has traditionally labeled "deadly sins." They are, by contrast, sins which society regards as necessary to get ahead!

Psychologists call homosexual response a "reparative strategy." That is to say, the thought of an alternative is too heavy a burden to bear, so homosexuality is first seen as a way out. If a man fears women, then a relationship with a man seem "safe." If my father is perceived as being absent, then seeking a person to father me is a way to build a substitute relationship. Homosexuality is then the meeting of a legitimate need in an illegitimate way.

The Bible's prohibitions against homosexuality are not culturally specific.

Homosexuality is mentioned in the Bible. You should probably know that there are some Christians who think that the only prohibitions in these passages are against homosexual prostitution, against ritual defilement, and against people who are heterosexual but try out homosexual activity. They talk about a distinction between homosexual love and homosexual lust. They argue that because "in Christ there is no male and female" [Gal. 3:28], within the Church, a covenant of homosexual love can be celebrated. I disagree.

They say that Jesus was silent on the question of homosexuality. I disagree. He speaks against porneia, which is more than just sexual infidelity. It is the root of our word fornication, but also of our word pornography. It includes all of those ways in which we violate the sexual bond between one woman and one man in a covenant of marriage, including homoerotic thoughts and actions.

But some people find that they are attracted exclusively to members of the same sex without any overtones of sexuality involved. Such a relationship is I believe impaired by an emotional dependency that is not healthy even by secular definitions. (See the booklet, "Emotional Dependency: a Threat to Close Friendships," by Lori Thorkelson, InterVarsity Press.) St. Paul was not ignorant about such emotional attachments as pro-homosexual authors would have us to believe. He lived in the time of the Emperor Nero, who cared for a man as his wife as well having a woman as another wife.

Neither a relation for genital sex nor a relation of emotional dependency is commended in Scripture. When St. Paul says that homosexuality is "against nature" in Romans 1, he means that it is, as Bob Davies puts it, "contrary to God's original intention for human sexual behavior, plainly visible in the natural and complementary function of the male and female sexual organs and temperaments." (in "What Do You Say to a Gay Christian?", Love in Action).

Scripture has principles to help those who are homosexually tempted.

What can you do about your sexual feelings? First, here's what not to do. Taking cold showers and avoiding french fries doesn't help. Colossians 2:20-23 says that asceticism, "harsh treatment of the body," lacks "any value in restraining sensual indulgence." Secondly, don't excuse out-of-marriage sex just because homosexual liaisons are not "blessed" by a marriage.

In many ways, a person who is caught up in homosexuality is psychologically orphaned. He needs to experience God as a Father to the fatherless. All of the many places in the Bible where God honors those who care for the orphaned demand that we provide a church family as a model of wholeness. I pray that you are finding such a fellowship where you are worshipping now!

A person who is homosexually tempted needs to deal with the root sins of envy and fear. Can you see in the Lord Jesus Christ what it means to be a person who is completely at peace with who He is? A helpful book on dealing with this matter of properly loving yourself is David Needham's book, Birthright (Multnomah Press, Portland, OR).

A person who is homosexually tempted needs to give and to receive forgiveness. Do you need to forgive a parent for any hurts against you as you have perceived them? Do you need to ask forgiveness of a parent for blame that you have put on them? Do you need to forgive a buddy with whom you grew up for encouraging your sexual experimentation, or to ask forgiveness if you encouraged him?

A person who is homosexually tempted cannot stop at avoiding homosexual activities. Jesus taught that sex sin is a matter of heart attitude as well as a matter of actions [Matt. 5:28]. Some believers in the Corinthian church of St. Paul's day had a variety of homosexual experiences (malakoi, passively allowing other men to use them sexually; arsenokoitai, actively pursuing homosexual contacts). But in Christ they were washed clean in both attitudes and actions [I Cor. 6:11].

A person who is homosexually tempted can find a place of peace and rest. In some cases, God will give you the gift of a wife; in other cases, He will give you the gift of singleness. In every case He will give you the gift of Himself, the Sufficient One.

Yours sincerely,

Gene Chase

March 23, 1989

Not a home page. Do not link directly to this page, which may move at any time. Last edit 7 August 2005.